I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
