Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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