Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
