you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
