No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
