when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
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All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize