This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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