Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
