the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
