What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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