if only i could text you this smell
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
