They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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