i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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