it hurts more in the daytime
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
