i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
