Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We are two peas in an std pod
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
