Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Someone signed my nipple.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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