guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
