the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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