Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
