i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
