these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
