Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish you could order shots online.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
