seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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