hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
