so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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