I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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