Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
