Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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