Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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