Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
