I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
