Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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