Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
