i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
