He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
