At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
