Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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