so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
