Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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