First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
