carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
