wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
