dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
