Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
