I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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