Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
