Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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