I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
