Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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