Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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