make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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