there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
