Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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