The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
