Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
