Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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