There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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