drinking out of a sandbucket again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
