You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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