After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
