I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
