with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
