The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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