i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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