i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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