I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
