i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
