John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
