i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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